The Stability of the Heart
by Inexplicable Cat
Summary: Though Tweek goes through a lot of changes in college, his desires and hopes remain the same...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Nice and boring.

That's what he always said.

Nice and boring.

That's the way he liked things.

Maybe it was due to that whole Peru fiasco.

Maybe it's because he is, in fact, a really dull person.

I don't really know, all I know is that he hated everything that was threatening his monotonous routine, that **is** his life.

But then...why the hell did he like me?

Let me explain a few things for you.

Craig and I have been best friends since third grade.

After that ridiculous fight, we spent a week together in the hospital, where we found out that we had been tricked by a bunch of our assholes classmates.

We decided, actually Craig decided and I went along as usual, that the best way to get back at those who wanted our rivalry, was by becoming best friends.

Since then we've been pretty close.

I was always the twitchy, paranoid, jittery kid who was afraid of everything and Craig was the tough, cool, apathetic guy who could become a real badass if you pissed him off.

What a match huh?

Anyway...through my entire school life I was very shy and timid and didn't socialize a lot( aka get out of the house a lot)...I mean people were out to get me right?

Right.

Craig would always come over, help me with my math homework and I would give him a hand in history or philosophy, play video games or read comics and basically hang around.

Sometimes we talked, I mean **really** talked...about things rather than Cartman's latest obsession or Kenny's slutty adventures( yes, we were **both** intrigued). And those conversations mainly involved around our future and usually ended up with me having a panic attack, because let's face it, when you're a teenager...that can be a **very** terrifying subject, and Craig would always calm me down, reassuring me that he would always gonna be there for me...

On our senior year I decided I wanted to go to college.

I mean, yeah we had our family business where I could work and someday run things, but I guess I always wanted more out of life than selling coffee in a town full of rednecks.

(And that comes from a guy who can't get through a day without at least five cups of coffee!)

Well since I decided that, I had to make sure of another thing.

To get into the same college as Craig.

There was no way in hell I could face the pressure of being sent away from home for studies without Craig.

No way in hell man!

That's why we both applied for the university in Denver.

Him in accounting and business economics( Jesus! Even his course is the most boring ever!) and me in psychology with a major in neuroscience (Hey, don't laugh! What did you expect from a nervous wreck like me, Jesus!).

So here we are now, in our first year of college, away from home and family, away from everything we got used to in our eighteen years of life.

Well let me tell you, that alone can change a guy.

A lot.

But I should be more specific.

When we arrived we found out that unfortunately we were not in the same dorm, Craig's roommate was a very nerdy kid with big glasses, greasy hair and a few pimples, who didn't speak too much.

Perfect, just perfect.

I, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky.

My first reaction when I opened the room and saw my roommate sitting on his bed reading a comic book, was to jump five feet in the air screaming and tugging my own hair.

Adam, that is his name, is not what you would call a quite, ordinary guy.

His hair is dyed raven black with long bangs falling in front of his eyes while the back of his hair is shaved short enough and dyed blood red. His eyes are golden.

And I don't mean they are hazel like mine or so light brown that they look yellow sometimes.

No. They are freaking golden. It's kind of creepy. He looks like a vampire or something.

And he doesn't wear contacts either if that's what you are thinking.

He also has two rings on his face, one at his nose and the other one at his bottom lip.

He almost **always** wears eyeliner, black or red, that makes his eyes look ever more eerie.

Besides his strange appearance though, he is actually a very good and kind person.

He is into everything that he considers alternative or underground and he studies art.

The first thing he ever said to me was to allow him to make my portrait. The thought that someone might think of me as an object of their creativity made me calm down and start a polite conversation with the person that I would be living with.

So we actually started to get along very well, I told you, Adam is a very cool guy and he doesn't freak me out anymore.

I even introduced him to Craig, although I can't say my best friend was very delighted.

So me and Adam started to hang out a lot, most of the times Craig came along too.

And then the most peculiar thing happened.

It was Saturday and I had spent my entire day only with Craig. I was really happy actually, Craig and I had been too busy with our courses and all the papers that our various professors required from us, that we kind of neglected our friendship.

We watched a movie, ate at a fancy restaurant and of course we visited Harbucks twice that day.

So when I came back at my room I was so content with my life that nothing could make me lose my good mood. Not even Adam's strange attitude that day.

I went to bed with a smile on my face and I actually fell asleep right away (something very rare for me...cause I, well, I don't sleep! Ever!)

So there I was, sleeping happily in my bed as I felt, some time during the night, someone climbing over my bed.

It was of course Adam, whom I felt leaning towards me and...and he licked my cheek while I was sleeping.

I of course woke up screaming but when I saw it was just him on top of me and he had such a soft look in his eyes, I shut up and just stood there on my bed shaking and staring into his golden eyes, with a pathetic look on my face.

After a while he leaned against me once more and he repeated the action but this time I didn't react as bad as before.

Actually I was quite turned on, for the first time in my life and...let's just say my cheek wasn't the only thing he licked that night!

Next day we woke up naked in my bed, his arms around me and my face buried in his chest.

It was my first time. I hadn't even been with a girl before.

Then we got up, had breakfast (who would have thought that coffee tasted better, I mean **even** better, after a night of sex?), and then wandered around the campus where Adam introduced me to most of his friends.

He introduced me to a lot of things actually.

Clubs,alcohol,all kinds of drugs, gay sex and a reckless lifestyle in general.

And somewhere between a bottle of tequila and a fuck, I decided that no longer I wanted to be that shaking, scared out of his mind, ''take it easy, sit on the grass, watch the clouds'' kid and just live fast and die pretty! Well not actually die of course! (I'm **still **scared out of mind of death and accidents and getting abducted and of all those nasty things that they simply are out to fucking get me!)

But...I try not to think about all that shit.

Adam has helped me a lot.

Being the alternative guy that he is, he was fascinated by a boy who drank coffee all the time, couldn't button his own shirt properly and slept for less than four hours a day.

His latest scheme is that he introduced me to this friend of his, Derek, who is the leader of an alternative, punk, garage or whatever rock band.

Adam was convinced that my shrieked, strained voice was perfect for being the lead singer.

It didn't take long for his friend to agree so I ended up with a microphone in my hands screaming fucked up lyrics to a music that could drive you into an epileptic crisis.

Derek actually encouraged my common outbursts of ''Argh,gah'' and other similar sounds that can be traced through the songs.

Whatever makes them more alternative,right?

Right.

Even my appearance has changed radically.

I'm still a skinny little freak cause let's face it, I live on coffee( and through the latest months, on other addictive substances as well) and my mess of a hair still stuck up in every direction and angle possible but now they are a rainbow of colors, though the original straw blonde is still the dominating one.

I usually wear black or gray skinny jeans with chains or black belts with pins(Adam bought me a pair of black leather pants too in order to wear them on my first appearance on stage with the band) and tight t-shirts with all kinds of psychedelic stamps.

And yes I wear eyeliner too! The first time Adam tried to apply it on me I had a small panic attack (cause you know he could have stick it in my eye, Jesus!) but he stroked my hair so gently and kissed me until I was out of breath, so he calmed me down.

I have several piercings through my whole body including three at each ear, one at my right eyebrow a navel ring and a tongue one (yes it DOES enhance a blow job).

Adam is trying to talk me into getting a tattoo too...

Since I probably will be stoned through the whole procedure I won't have to worry about the needles and the germs and the possibility I bleed to death...Argh!The presssuuuuuureeee...

But basically, even though no one from my old friends could recognize me now I'm still that paranoid, nervous,messed up kid except now...well I'm even more messed up now and in so many, many fucked up ways...I-I probably don't make much sense...but it's late, I've just had my eighth cup of coffee, I smoked a little weed and...and about an hour ago I saw Craig with this girl down the hall going somewhere( probably his room, argh!) hold-holding hands...

I don't know why the fuck that made me so upset, but it did. And it's not that Craig and I are so close anymore...Yeah,we kind of drifted apart since I started hanging out with Adam and...''being a completely jerk who tries to make his pathetic rebellion''...as Craig kindly put it.

But still...it hurts a lot.

I can hear Adam coming to the room now...Good. I kinda need a distraction from my misery.

''Hey Twe, what are you doing?''

I'm laying on the floor on my back and I've got my legs and my ass up against the bed...I must look completely ridiculous.

''Are you allright?''

God, he must be drunk already.

I stretch my head pressing the top on the floor and my chin is up in the air and now I can see him upside down...

''A-Adam?'' I love his name, the name of the first man, way better than Cr...

''F-fuck me...please'' Damn! I'm such a slut.

He approaches me and leans down, his face a few inches from mine,he presses his lips against mine as his hand is reaching under my pants and slightly brushes the tip of my cock...my legs are still on the air.

''Sure Twe...''he moans into my mouth''Whatever makes you happy''.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I just want to say that I don't really know anything about college life in the USA so maybe I got it all wrong...Sorry! Anyway I hope you will enjoy this, nevertheless!

* * *

As I said Craig and I are not that close anymore.

I haven't actually talked to him for over a month.

When we arrived at the campus in the beginning of this year, we were pretty much inseparable.

As always.

Except for the time that we both had classes to attend to, we spent the rest of our day together.

But even back then I realized that Craig wasn't too fond of Adam. He was always referring to him as the freak and he would advise me to stay away from him as much as possible, given the fact he was my dormmate.

He even tried to get his own nerdy roommate to switch with me, so that I would stay with Craig and Adam with the nerd.

We were not allowed to do that of course, as the headmaster himself informed us, and I noticed that Craig flipped the bird way too many times that day.

When Adam and I started to hang around a little more, Craig didn't say anything.

He didn't say anything when my appearance started to chance slightly, as well.

He didn't even say a word when he found me smoking weed in my room with Adam right next to me.

But when he found me in my room with Adam standing in front of me and his dick in my mouth, that was when he **did **say something.

The last thing he ever said to me, actually, before our fall out.

I still remember his exact words.

_What the FUCK Tweek? Are you a fucking fag now? Or are you too stoned to tell the difference? I told you that freak is a bad __goddamn__ influence but you wouldn't listen to me, you prefer to make your pathetic rebellion! Well guess what, I don't want to see your fucking face ever again, you asshole!_

Yup...good old charming Craig.

He hasn't talked to me ever since.

Now, let me tell you a thing or two about the college guy Craig.

He is the absolute frat star!

He built the image of the smart, charming jock guy and he is climbing up the ''food'' chain.

He is in the university football team, he wears his frat jacket **all **the fucking time and he walks around with the attitude of the popular, successful, golden boy kind of guy.

Completely the opposite of me who turned into some kind of stoned, freaky fag.

And of course the girls just love him.

He is always surrounded by blonde prep bimbos with big boobs, who got in the university cause their daddies are fucking loaded.

Argh! I'm so jealous!

Why?

Well it's simple, actually.

I want him.

I've always wanted him. I just hadn't realized it.

But after I and Adam started fucking and every doubt I had about my sexuality vanished and after Craig stopped talking to me, it suddenly hit me.

All the pain, all the misery that I felt was not only because I lost my best friend but because I lost the person I was desperately, madly in love with.

Sure Adam is a cool guy and he makes me cum like crazy but he is not who I want.

I want Craig.

And I am determined to have him no matter what!

To fully comprehend how much I want him, let's just say that I'm thinking all of these after two rounds with Adam (which I must tell you weren't much enjoyable, probably cause I'm still depressed over the whole Craig thing) and while he is holding me in his arms.

Instead of snuggling with him, I daydream about another man, I'm so fucked up...

''So...Will you tell me what's wrong?'' Adam gives me a scrutinized look as he asks me.

Jesus! I hate it that this guy reads me like an open book...What if he can read my thoughts? What if he conspires against me with the government? Argh! The pressuuuuure!

''Ngh! Wh-what do you mean?''

''Come on, Tweekie! I can tell you are upset about something. We've been practically living together for months. I know when something bothers you. Fuck, you didn't even cum Tweek.''

Hmph! I guess I should better tell him. I mean we sleep together but Adam knows all about my feelings for Craig.

He told me that it should bother him that I'm in love with another person while having sex with him, but it really doesn't. He also told me that we are not exactly boyfriends, he is like my best friend nowadays, a friend that I could share everything with him, even a moment of wild fucking.

So I discuss with him most of my problems. If I was still my old self I wouldn't trust so easily a guy I know only for five months but I try to be more confident and strong (well I **try **at least...)

''I-it's nothing important, just a stupid thing that upset me th-that's all...''

''Let me guess...does it involve a certain super jock frat boy?''

I drop my eyes to the ground out of my own embarrassment as I nod.

''Well? What about him?''

''He's got a girlfriend''

Adam stares at me for a while. ''It's not like you haven't noticed all the bimbos throwing themselves at him, no, I think something else bothers you Twe...''

I continue to stare at my hands as I realize that my dormmate is right.

''I-I just miss him, you know? S-so much...I-I don't think I can continue-_ngh_-this...''

''By this, you mean...us, right?''

I think I am blushing really hard now, I don't know if Adam would mind if we stopped being whatever the fuck we are, but I definitely don't wanna hurt him, I mean what if he gets so mad at me and try to murder me in my sleep!

But I thought this over and over and I really can't keep fooling around with him, it was fun in the beginning, but now it's just frustrating, reminding me of what I really want, and can not have.

''It's ok, I knew you weren't mine, anyway...Besides I'm not the relationship type, it's not alternative enough!''

I can't help but smile at that, glancing up at his eyes, he is definitely a great guy!

''Are we-are we still friends?''

He gives me a reassuring smile as he responds ''Of course we are Twe! You are wonderful and I feel lucky that I met you, that Craig asshole doesn't know what he is missing'' and with that he leans towards me, whispering in my ear ''Besides, you give amazing head...''

The blush returns to my face, and Adam chuckles, ruffling my wild hair.

''And to prove to you that I want to become great friends, I'll do something for you''

Something for me? He doesn't have to do anything, I'm about to inform him but he speaks again...

''I'm gonna help you get your man back''


End file.
